(IW Press-Release) – Thursday March 11, 2010
The Peoples Republic of Manchuria (P.R.O.M) is calling a special election next Friday. Our Fearless Leader, Barry-Barack-the-Long-Legged-Mack-Daddy-Who’s-Sane-Obama-Soetoro, who had been the top dawg of P.R.O.M, had taken a sabbatical last January 20, 2009, to study birth-certificate design, abroad. He was expected to return to the P.R.O.M. within several weeks, but apparently his plans have changed.
Barry Soetoro healing nicely after his brain transplant
An un-named source, who wishes to remain annonymus, because he was unauthorized to speak publicly on the matter, has claimed that our Most Supreme One in the Land of The Peoples Republic of Manchuria, WILL NOT be returning to his post as Sir Highness.
“He will stay on permanent Sabbatical and we will proceed with new elections immediately. The reason for his non-return is personal, and we wish to quell any speculation by simply moving on. Barry-Barack-the-Long-Legged-Mack-Daddy-Who’s-Sane-Obama-Soetoro has done a magnificent job for the P.R.O.M., and will surely be missed. We look forward to selecting a new Sir Highness from the crop of highly qualified candidates.”
The candidates for Sir Highness of the Peoples Republic of Manchuria, will all convene this Thursday evening for a 7-hour debate, where each candidate will be given 1 hour to state his case, as to why he should be the next Supreme Leader of Manchuria. Elections will then be held the following day.
Without further ado, here are the Manchurian Candidates –
The newest citizen of P.R.O.M., John Patrick Bedell is an expert marksman and a bud-smoker extraordinaire
Umar Farouk Abdul Hakuna Matata is an underwear model and a demolition expert
John Holmes Sheik Mohammad does adult films and models stun-belts for Tazer Int’l
Nadal Hasan is an Army Major who can shoot 300 rounds per minute, as well as being as psycho-chiatrist
Seung-Hui Cho is a student and interns at the Clockwork Orange Helmet Factory
Timmothy McVeigh is a moving van driver and a fertilizer expert (seen here with his security team)
John ‘The Duck Is In The Noose’ Mohammad is the President of the Big Brothers Association and an expert marksman as well
See you at the voting booth!